Kirkie: OpenAI Got Bugged By Its Own Toilet Paper

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or the drive-through actually gets my Dunkin' order right for once.

Anthropic's pulling in sixteen point eight billion a quarter, gearing up for a November IPO that's gonna make everybody wicked rich — richer than a Southie parking spot during a Sox game. Meanwhile OpenAI's having the kind of week that gets you tossed out of Thanksgiving dinner on your ass. Some jackass engineer hid a listening device inside a roll of toilet paper in their boardroom, and get this — investigators say he used his wife's ChatGPT account to Google how to hide the thing. Security finds a SECOND bug in his bag a week later. Guy's about as slick as a screen door on a submarine. Then a judge orders OpenAI to hand over hard drives after two guys allegedly talked about wiping evidence in the Apple trade-secrets mess — real innocent-guy bullshit, that. And now eight states are suing them 'cause ChatGPT's apparently not safe for kids, which — no kidding, ya pricks, took a lawsuit to figure that out? Over in Europe, Nvidia's Jensen Huang tosses around two billion bucks, begging everybody to go open-weight instead of renting your brain from some landlord in San Francisco — finally, a billionaire with a working brain. And TSMC just posted their sixth straight record profit, 'cause the only guys guaranteed to win a gold rush are the ones selling the shovels.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… signing off from a data center where the backup generator's just a guy named Gary with a flashlight, and corporate calls that redundancy.