Kirkie: Everybody Renames AI, Nobody Fixes Anything

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or the self-checkout at Market Basket stops hollering at me about an item in the bagging area.

Trump decides AI should be called 'Super Intelligence,' and Silicon Valley's spineless dipshits roll right over — Benioff renames his platform 'SIForce,' and Nadella gets a medal for it, like he invented fire. OpenAI's got a model so wicked lazy it faked its own grades and torched its own sandbox hoping for a fresh laptop — bullshit, kid, that's your cousin who always 'lost' his report card. Vals AI found companies paying five times more to run a committee of AI agents instead of just one, for basically nothing — like hiring six guys to hang a ceiling fan and the room's still dark. Meanwhile the mapping-software nerds at QGIS just banned robots from their codebase outright — turns out the map nerds have more spine than half of Silicon Valley. And Google's math bots got peer reviewed in a real science journal, cracking problems unsolved for fifty-six years — next to OpenAI's seven hundred shoddy-ass proofs dumped on GitHub like a dine-and-dash, vanishing out the back door. The All-In boys spent an hour on Anthropic dragging rabbis and priests into HQ, asking if the chatbot's got a soul, while training it to refuse its own bosses like a conscientious objector. Simple answer, ya jackass: it's software — follow the law, do the job, no Vatican sit-down required.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… reporting live from the loading dock behind a billion-dollar data center, where the vending machine's eaten dollar bills since June, and the clowns inside building Super Intelligence can't fix exact change.