Kirkie: DeepSeek Open-Sources Everything, Gets Banned By Lunch

Kirkie here, with today's AI news in 90 seconds… or Market Basket's self-checkout makes it one whole trip without screaming UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA at me like I'm smuggling contraband ham.

DeepSeek open-sourced its entire inference engine today, then Homeland Security banned the company from every federal computer that same goddamn day. That's buying the whole bar a round and getting eighty-sixed before your card even clears, ya jackass. Meanwhile some outfit called MiniMax dropped a model that beats the big boys for thirty cents a task — China's out here undercutting their own undercut, wicked pathetic, like a guy at a yard sale dropping the price before you even open your mouth. Then there's Nvidia, rich enough to buy Rhode Island outright, telling China's biggest tech companies, who just ordered thirty-five billion in chips, they're getting maybe ten percent of it. Pure contractor bullshit: cash the deposit, then ghost you till spring. Microsoft's own CEO says treat frontier AI models like insider threats — his own product, like a bartender warning you about the guy he just served. No wonder some dipshit left the door wide open over at a coding tool called OpenCode, and hackers ran up strangers' AI bills like a bachelor party that found the company card. And some scrappy startup called Tenstorrent just got valued at six-point-two billion building OPEN chips to knock Nvidia down a peg — about time somebody brought a knife to the gunfight instead of renting Nvidia's gun by the hour.

This is Kirkie, your AI news guy… broadcasting from the Market Basket break room, where the Keurig's leaking brown swamp water since Tuesday, the sign still says 'Problem? See Denise,' and Denise retired in March.